I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
