I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
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im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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