dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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