a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm gonna fight the coyote
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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