also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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