isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
