I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
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At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
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Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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