goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
