There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
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I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
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There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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