He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
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Semen is not good for contacts.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
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Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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