This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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