ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I did not marry a roomba.
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