U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
