i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
