Come see our sink grown plant.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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