i just google imaged poop.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
