hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
