They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
