Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
