dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
