saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
