he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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