Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
