I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
