Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
love makes seman taste better
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
