fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Also, beer. Big fan.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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