hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Let the clothes fall where they may.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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