I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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