How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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