I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize