You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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