I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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