My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
There r osticjed everywhere
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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