Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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