She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
