how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
