we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
