when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
