we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
