I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
