i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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