Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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