You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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