I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
