i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
