Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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