I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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