so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
