Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
