totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
