I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
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Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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