She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
