I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
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she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
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Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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