The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
