He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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