I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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