its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
