im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
