I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
