Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
