Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
