her facebook's as public as her vagina
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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