Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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