Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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