He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
