I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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