I need help removing her.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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