party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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