He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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