My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
