the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
