i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
