If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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