I just cut my nipple shaving
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize