dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she peed on how many people?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
