I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
