Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
