the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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