We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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