The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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