There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
