All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The struggles of a small town man whore
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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